Tuesday, October 26, 2004

On the weekend, we caught up with some friends for dinner when talk turned to Australian Idol. I was fine with the predictions on who will win, and even accepted that people liked mumbling-no-personality Casey, and didn't like Chanel who is (or was) by far my favourite, until one of my friends made an outrageous statement. Outrageous.

This friend is gay, in all ways, including a deep love of Princess Diana. But then he said...and I quote...
"I'd turn for Hayley". "I could drown in her eyes.."
I fell off my chair.
His boyfriend choked on his wine.
Our hostess screamed loudly.

What is it with Hayley? She is attractive, but not turn-your-back-on-your-preferred-sex attractive. Sheesh - I just do not understand it. So that must be who is voting for her each week, the misguided gay population of Australia, who really cannot be trusted to make such a decision. Boys, get a grip. She doesn't look anything like Princess Diana.

Last night I undertook step one in the process to upgrade my PC operating system so I can use my bloody iPod - installing a CD burner. Yeah, I live in the dark ages. Once Mr R and I worked out how to get the cover off the computer, it worked out ok, and I can now finish the promised CD for those I promised a CD to about 17 years ago. We can also burn copies of our needed files so we can start again with XP. I can only see this ending in disaster.


Friday, October 22, 2004

I don't think I have mentioned it here, but one of my best friends J recently got engaged. She has asked me to be her Maid of honour, which is of course an honour, so I suppose that makes it a suitable title then. (Don't point out that I am actually a "Matron" because all I can think of is that annoying Matron Sloane from "A Country Practice" - you cannot be under 60 and be a Matron).

Right, so tomorrow, as part of my bridesmaidy duties, I am scouring Melbourne for suitable reception venues. There are some pretty tight criteria (criterias? criteriaii?) in which to work.
1. It must be within 10 minutes drive of the CBD
2. It must hold about 160 people
3. The wine must be good
4. It must be suitably quirky and cool
5. There must be room for a dancefloor
6. It must not be too soppy wedding-like
7. Both sets of parents and me must give it the stamp of approval
8. It must be available before 2010

One thing that J is despairing over is how far in advance people book their weddings. Some places have bookings in like 2007. She'd kind of like it to just be over and done with, it shouldn't be that hard to pick a venue, send out some invitations, get a pretty dress and say "I do". But trying to get availability at these places is proving difficult. So this brings us to the questions of why are there so many people out there planning their wedding twenty-seven(nearly) years in advance? Do you think that there are new parents out there, who get home from the hospital with new baby girl, and ring schools to put them on the list, and then reserve a reception venue for 25 years time? Do they then call a funeral home to pre-pay?

Seriously, for all the places she has looked at, the first availabilty is in May next year, and that is getting a bit cold, so if you look at any dates from September 05 to March 06 there are very few to choose from. If anyone has any recommendations that meet the above criteria, J is all ears. She'd like to do this wedding before she has grey hair.

I was also just reading about the wonderful wedding that Nikki had last week in Queensland (if you don't read her site you should - she is hilarious). All this wedding talk is bringing back memories of my own wedding planning, where I swore that I would not get all caught up in the stupid things that brides get caught up in, and then I would find myself agonising over meaningless decisions like what colour ribbon to use on the ceremony programmes. Brides often need a good slap on the face to return them to reality.

So lets hope that J stays practical in this planning process, although she is having five bridesmaids so there is no doubt this is going to be bigger than, um, something really big. But it's ok, I have my face slapping technique down pat, which is my most important role as MAID of Honour.


Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Do you know that kids story about the mouse that wants a cookie? It is very cute, the basic premise is that you give the mouse one thing, and that means he wants another thing and so on and so on until it goes back to the start and he wants a cookie all over again. My three year old god daughter loves it, and can recite it word for word - you should hear the screams if you accidentally miss a page in reading it. YOU'D THINK IT WAS THE END OF THE WORLD!!!

So, where was I? Ah yes, I was trying to demonstrate the path that I have found myself on recently where all roads lead to spending much money. On the weekend, I gave in to my burning desire and have purchased a mini ipod. Yay, I am excited! I wanted to be able to use it in the car, so added the car charger and radio transmitter thingo. Then I got it home, charged it up and sat down to read the instructions and realised that my old computer loaded with Windows 98 wasn't going to work with itunes. So now I need to upgrade. Which is when you start to think, well if I am going to upgrade, then maybe I should just get a new computer, those ones in the apple shop looked pretty good... surely the path to destruction. And bankruptcy. Ahem.

I have been a late convert to Australian Idol this year, and so far it has nearly caused the breakdown of my marriage. Mr R is a lovely lad, but lets just say that he is no singer. He can whistle ok though - keep up with the whistling! Anyway, the problem with watching Australian Idol with Mr R, is his tendency to sing along. It goes something like:

Me: Please don't sing when they are singing
Him: (singing) It's the power of love..
Me: I mean it, really.
Him: Don't need money, don't need fame..
Me: SHUT UP (yelled at around 3000 decibels)

Then he got all offended. I have told him he can sing all he likes during the many moments of talking in the show, just not while they are bloody well singing. But he really can't help himself, it's some sort of mutant karaoke gene. And it's driving me nuts.

In keeping with my television theme, my ridiculous obsession with (un)reality television has got to stop. I am only on the Idol singing show and not the behind the scenes etc, so that is not too bad. But couple that with Survivor Vanuatu and The Amazing Race and that adds up to many hours of fluff.
Mr R and I have an unhealthy obsession with short people/little people/dwarfs/whatever they would like to be known as. It's sort of embarrassing when I write it down, but even the word 'dwarf' cracks us up. So this season of the Amazing race, with little Darla, has created many moments of hilarity after only one episode in our household. At the beginning she was all "I can do anything that a tall person can!" and Mr R had me in stitches pointing out the things that she in fact would struggle with, "Except reach the top shelf of the fridge!" or "Except wear full length jeans!" We really know how to have a good time.

And in news of our never ending house renovation, we have started some garden landscaping, meaning we now have a garden of dirt. Our neighbours really love us, the bobcat started at 6.30am and we have filled the street with dust. Somehow I think we are slowly being crossed off everyone's Christmas card list. Especially the little people's.


Wednesday, October 13, 2004

You wont believe me when I tell you that I just wrote the best, most wittiest, hilarious entry ever, and blogger ate it.
But I can not be bothered re-creating so you just have to take my word for it. It was all about how nice I am and how that gets me into major trouble and how that has led to me holding a t*pperware party this weekend. Perhaps blogger objected to the subject matter, because it is definately objectionable.

I told a great story of how I agreed to this before I knew what I was agreeing to and to try an remember never to do that. But I am just too agreeable.

I made a great quip about what it is that t*pperware demonstrators actually demonstrate, just taking on and off the lids? And how what I'd really like them to demonstrate is how to find a lid that matches a container in a cupboard full of lids and containers. It was really good, you should have read it.

I also talked about why I was spelling t*pperware like t*pperware because I am wary of weird internet hits from people with strange fetishes. But man did it sound a hell of alot more witty and interesting than this version - really you should have seen it.

And this amazing entry also told you all about how I didn't interview naked guy, as tempting as it was, but have chosen someone else. And that the new person has the same last name as the old person and they are not related. And that the last name of these people is the same as the first name of another one of my employees, and that this situation had led to much hilarity with HR trying to sort out who is who. My description of this was nearly as good as the old 'who's on first' routine, but I guess you are just going to have to take my word for that.

And now I am so annoyed that I give up altogether. My last ending was much better.


Monday, October 11, 2004

Arrgh. I'm feeling all shitty and disappointed with my fellow Australians at the moment. I was going to keep this space election free, but fuck (and I use that word with emphasis) what is wrong with people? I fear that keeping quiet might somehow equate with being happy about this election result, so here is another rant to join the others in the blog world. I can only conclude that nobody who blogs voted for Johnny, or else I don't ready anybody's blog who votes for Johnny. Understandable I guess.

Are we really a nation that is so selfish and short sighted we care only for our own hip pockets? It makes me sad more than anything. JH has been planning this - his supposedly brilliant economic management has created a nation of money hungry assholes, who have borrowed against their paper gains from an over inflated propery market to buy more things. Things! WE ALL NEED THINGS! Our economy is going great! And then he has scared those same people into voting for him because as he tells us, Labor's goal is just to drive up interest rates, so all those mortgaged up people did exactly what he wanted them to do.

Never mind that he locks up little kids. Never mind that he lies. Never mind that his education policy favours the rich and not those schools with no "values". Never mind that he is as charismatic as a sock.

My little brother turned 18 on Saturday, but that one more vote did nothing. I despair. He did have a cool badge on - "More pools for private schools!".

Perhaps ironically in the want for things, my sister and I became the coolest older sisters in the world when we gave him an ipod. I know - you so want to be my brother. It is now only a matter of when I get time and I am going to the shop to buy one for myself. I have been denying myself for too long, and I don't have any older sisters that are likely to come to the party. I mean heh, at least now interest rates aren't going to go up! My mortgage is safe! Thanks JH!*

* This may not have come across with the correct level of sarcasm. JUST TO BE SURE -SARCASM IS VERY HIGH.


Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Have you ever tried to sort through a huge stack of resumes, deciding who to interview for a job? It's nigh on impossible really, 'cause it's not like anyone writes things like "My interests are getting pissed, ecstacy and surfing the net", so you have to make your decision based on sentences like "I possess strong team orientation skills and strive to show initiative". Of course you do dear.

So anyway, here I am with a stack of resumes on my desk, trying to be fair. The job that I am interviewing for is a "sandwich year" position, so all the resumes are from young people (19-20) that are all studying the same degree at Uni. That doesn't mean that they have to make sandwiches (just that this year of work experience is sandwiched in between study years), although perhaps thats a good way of sorting good from bad. I could get them all to make the best sandwich possible, and choose who gets an interview from that. Bonus points for homemade chutneys or something. These kids (I think now I am nearly 30 that I can call anyone under 21 a "kid") are all smart, they all have part time jobs, they all list some sort of volunteer work. They are all like these little perfect angels.

I have found myself turning to "Interests" to try and get a feel for what they are like and if they will make the shortlist. This wasn't really helping, everyone loves to keep fit and help old ladies accross the street, until I found one young man, who under "personal achievements" listed that he was part of the mass group nude photo taken by Spencer Tunick in Melbourne. You know, where it is ridiculously early in the morning and all these people show up, take off their clothes and then lie on the dirty ground near city landmarks. (I wonder which ass is his?) Do you think he included that because it demonstrated how he can get up early? Or how he is willing to move outside his comfort zone? Or that he is an exhibitionist? Or that he is very well endowed and wasn't worried about an early morning cold snap diminishing his package to be captured on film forever? Some people are strange..

And as for how I have decided who to interview, of course I've just picked the ones that are the best endowed.


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