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Wednesday, October 08, 2003

I had an interesting dinner with an old and good friend last night, where we debated the ticking biological clock issues that face so many women. I guess this was partially inspired by comments and debate raging at MissJenJen’s site, and more so by the position that my friend finds herself in.

She has just turned 29, so she is not old and past her child bearing years by any stretch of the imagination. She has a wonderful boyfriend, the same age, who she has been living with for about a year, and has been seeing him for about four years altogether.

Her problem is that he doesn’t factor marriage and kids into the equation for at least a couple of years, and she is not feeling quite the same way. Her point is, that in two years he may decide that, for whatever reason, he doesn’t want to get married and start a family – and he is really no worse off. Whereas she is another couple of years older and faced with the situation where if she does want children she has to find a new partner (and that is not easy!) and hope to get serious enough that children may be considered all before she is 35 or so. And she doesn’t want to find another partner – she loves the one she has! So she would prefer to get married now, and have a couple of years of life as a committed married couple before she starts a family.

The fact that Men don’t have the same problem with their biological clock gives them a distinct advantage in all of this – but I don’t know that this means that he should compromise his beliefs either. If he doesn’t feel he is ready to get married – but that he loves my friend and is strongly committed to her –he really shouldn’t have to change.

I guess this boils down to a degree of insecurity on her behalf, a panic that it may not all work out perfectly. The reason why women in particular place a lot of emphasis on marriage I think is related to the biological clock – and who has control over that?

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